… Part 1 in an intermittent series… or musings from across the globe

Big Pimpin Singapore style. Never mind the old Singapore sling at Raffles. Nowadays it’s all about Chivas Regal and green tea. Felt like an Asian Busta Rhymes sipping on the distinctly random mix. Not sure what the old school Scots would have to say, but Sauce and I were agreed that it’s an unexpected improvement. Drop a bit of Liptons in your gran-pappy’s tipple this xmas. That and roadside curry as a late-night kebab alternative. Yesssss. Dipping the naan in the 4am sambal is an undiscovered revelation round Cannon-way.

Butter Factory: best club in asia(!) so far. Got the funk- as our vid clips should attest. Attica, however, where we ventured to on the following night-off is a horrible ex-pat euro hell. Scourge of nightclub society across the world- I travel half-way round the world to avoid tables full of slovenly DRUNK ENGLISH men brandishing bottles of Belvedere like they could tell the difference. Half of them weren’t even English, but they all look the same to me.

After the set in Singapore…. Houseparty= Jacuzzi in the bedroom. Nice. 80s batchelor power-pad. Carpet up the walls. Wet pants in a glorified bathtub. So wrong it’s right. Like top gun. Except there really is no way to be pale and English and look like you belong in a Jacuzzi unless you’re Hugh Heffner and it’s the 60s. I looked more like hugh Heffner in his sixties. Soggy Pringle pants and a London studio-tan to die for. You can never be waxed and chesty enough for that hot-tub glam vibe. But it would appear you can be drunk and English enough. Brandishing my bottle of Belvedere. And so it goes.

Tip on how to not bribe/freak-out the passport control at already over-tense Singapore airport: don’t keep your spare currency folded in your passport as you hand it over to be checked. That has all sorts of scary implications for them, apparently.

Jetstar to Oz…. “plane seating etiquette…” What ARE the rules on going to the toilet on a long-haul flight when you’re not in an aisle seat? I always sit aisle cos I need my freedom… my AAA cattle-class pass. If you have three seats in a row- you are the Gate-Keeper.

Newly discovered Rule 1 is: NEVER sit next to old people in the Gate-Keeper’s throne. Used to see a mother and baby already seated as u approached up the aisle and want to just keep going when u get to ur seat cos u knew it’d be screaming and hell all the way to touchdown. But I welcome the shrill screams of babyhood over the weak bladders of olditude anyday. I had the “super-friendly travelling 70-yr old couple from anywhere-small-town England-visiting other –old-family in-anywhere’s-ville Oz” waiting for me in 21a and b. They like to chat. But I have the tattoos and Ray-bans combo in effect, so ride that out like the friendly air-biker I am….Courteous but you don’t wanna engage me too much, cos you’ve heard about my sort.

So I’m deep into season 5 of the Wire and get the nudge….They want up for toilet… holding my laptop, standing in aisle, balancing.. I don’t pause..They shuffle off, I sit down…. 2 shoot-outs later, HE gets back. But where is SHE? Nowhere. But HE wants to sit back down in the middle when we both know SHE is gonna be back 1min later and WE will have to get back up again and do the stupid laptop dance. SHIEEEEEEET as Clay would say. Is it just me? I think HE should wait there till SHE gets back. I’m not getting up AGAIN to yo-yo about for you fools, I’m high on Baltimore gangsta-isms and I ain’t movin around for no moms and pops, long in the tooth getting-up in my grill, toilet-needing fools, you heard?

So I get up straight away and tight-smile him in like it’s no biggie. But I stay standing… juggling my headphones and macbook.. he sits there looking around for her- UP and down the plane.. like he didn’t go the SAME toilet with her at the back. Like he lost his crazy play-away wifey?? Anyway. 2 long plane minutes later, I’m now perching on the arm.. she gets back..”oh I was waiting for u…blah blah. Enough” and he gets up…I get up (it’s anarchy).. we laurel and hardy about and finally we’re all back in our seats. An eon of palava later.

He says thankyou and of course like the humble brit I am, I say. That’s ok. No problem. Hurrumph.

Sydney day 1.

Sauce stopped for Smuggling raisins at customs…. I could hear the distant thwack of rubber glove to wrist as they escorted him to the darkened room…. meanwhile

I felt like a less welsh Howard Marks with my two individually concealed Gillian McKeith cereal bars bulging in my bag. See why ppl risk the threat of jagged-whips dipped in horse urine and lifelong jail sentences when the thrill of BEATING the customs MAN is so visceral. AND I had a bit of a sniffely nose, which I consider tantamount to breaking the border with swine flu if the many signs are anything to go by. Yeah I did it, Oz!! I brought a borderline cold and 3 tasty (killer) cereal bars in and you’ll never catch me now.

They actually told Sauce it was his straw hat that really caused the concern… I kid you not.

This week is all about the Bank Holiday of course. Possibly the biggest weekend in every London DJ’s calendar. We are gonna be up at Creamfields on Saturday, which will be ace, but Sunday & Monday are
all about Notting Hill Carnival baby! Yes, the entirety of, well, London descends upon West London for 48 hours of utter mayhem, all the while keeping their fingers crossed that the weather will hold (which
it rarely does to be fair).

This year I’m making no real plans for the day times; just roam around in general, soaking up the atmosphere. I know Major Lazer are playing at some point on the Monday so I’m gonna try to make that, but I suspect only the seriously forward-thinking will get it together to be down at their stage before it gets totally roadblocked so chances are I’ll mess that up! Obviously I will report back in full if we do manage to stumble across it.

Once the sound systems start shutting down on the Monday though it’s ALL about the Mason’s Arms Garden Party (665 Harrow Road, NW10 5NU); our lovely friends from Snowbombing are officially launching their
2010 event at Carnival this year (all rather confusing I know) – expect all manner of deeply incongruous skiing & boarding attire in & around the pub for the duration of the day. Tonnes of cool people
playing: The Whip, Justin Robertson, John Carter, & we’re very honoured to’ve been asked to wrap up proceedings from 11pm-1am. If you’ve ever been to Snowbombing before, you’ll know that it’s
guaranteed to be going all the way OFF in there til the very, very last bass drum. If you’ve not experienced the joys of The Bomb, I wholeheartedly recommend you use this weekend as your initiation…

Full line-ups & info can be found here:

http://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?112626

Right, I’m outta here. If you fancy trying to come find us either at Creamfields or Carnival, best place to start is follow us on Twitter.com/TheLooseCannons – we’ll be posting live updates as often as we can all weekend. Get involved, you know you want to.

Full in depth report of any parts I can actually remember right here next week my beautiful babies.

Until then, Sauce out. x

After you guys chose Lovelle as the UK ambassador on the Pepsi-back Akon single “Oh Africa”, the time has finally come!

On Sunday (31st January), the single will be released, and we all hope it gets to number one!

The song, featuring Akon and Keri Hilson (pictured with Lovelle, right) is giving proceeds from the sales to helping underprivileged African youth. Akon’s Konfidence Foundation, (Konfidence.org), will be one of the main charities set to receive a portion of the proceeds.

Check out konfidence.org to download the track, and check back here next week for more information and videos!

Maxcast Team

Hey Pepsi Maxcasters!! We hope you’re dandy and can’t wait to see you all on out upcoming UK tour (check our website for dates www.theenemy.com). We are sure they’ll be lots of crazy moments in the next few weeks but all this talk of touring has got us feeling all misty eyed about past tours! We’ve been looking through some old tour snaps and have complied a little album for you to have a look at and that will hopefully give you a little flavour of what touring with The Enemy is like. The pics include photos from Beachbreak, Glastonbury, Ibiza Rocks (we love IBIZA- want to be there now!!!!) and Summersonic in Japan- mad and wonderful place. Oh and there’s one of some clowns (it’s not us in disguise, honest! We just like clowns) plus check out the pic of two of road crew after Andy and Liam had chucked them in the pool in Ibiza! Hilarious! Adios and see you on the road! Tom, Liam and Andy

Liam from The Enemy’s Tour Essentials

• The most important is mobile phone!
• iPod
• Spare chargers because Andy will steal them!
• Lots of t shirts, socks and boxers
• Flip flops for the venue showers!
• Gold Bond coz someone will have an extreme case of beer bum!
• Fully stocked washbag – tour is a sweaty process
• Immodium tablets – for when your on the motorway, on the bus and get some inevitable stomach problems. Tour bus rule is no solids, even if you think its runny enough!
• DVD’s – Partridge, The Office, Brass Eye and Human Remains!
• Deck of cards and some poker chips – quickest way to lose your PD’s
• Tour itinerary – to stop you pi**ing the tour manager off and asking a million questions!

(All held together in a bag sturdy enough to be abused and thrown around for a month!)