Fade’s Tour Diaries™….. part.3 in an intermittent series…

(or musings from across the globe.)

The Adelaide Shuffle

Not only does water run away down plug-holes the other way in the southern Hemisphere, but their dance moves have a distinct funk of their own. The Adelaide-Shuffle (modified from the erstwhile Melbourne-shuffle) is a spectacle to behold. Kind of like the Running Man, mixed-up with what we used to call the X-man in 1990, then sped-up and stripped of any recognisable “dancing” characteristics and replaced with the unsexy frenetic stomp of a wooden-legged man dealing with too-high a treadmill setting. People seem to bust this local move out at any given moment all over the club, for a burst of about 30 seconds of cardio intensity like a mating-ritual for ephedrine-drunk robots. It’s bad enough when the boys do it (and let’s face it, what dance move isn’t?) but some girls get involved too. It’s a wonder any pro-creation gets achieved at all in Southern Australia. This won’t be seen in a club near you soon. [*sauce got some footage tho…]

E-Cup Bolt-ons

The best self-description of a pair enhanced-breasts I’ve ever heard. Brisbanites don’t mince their words. They also party harder than anywhere else we’ve been this year. And look good while doing it. All year-round sunshine does wonders for keeping-up your beach-bod credentials and yet manage to never take yourself (or indeed anything) too seriously. The Monastery, Brisbane, we salute you. You bring the party.

The Return from Oz

22 hours in the air is just wrong. But coming down for one hour break to visit the toilets in Singapore airport is the most unexpected dose of luxury, your long-haul economy traveller can experience. [*pic attached] They are plusher than any of the hotels we’ve stayed in on this tour. They are nicer than my own bathroom at home. They are nicer than my whole flat tbh. Like when u go into a really flash restaurant loo and wished you lived there. (we all do that….right?). There is even an attendant guy actually cleaning- all the time- instead of offering you Chupa Chups and a £5 squirt of Hugo Boss. My parting tip to anyone flying-out East is to save your ablutions for Singapore airport.. and don’t do any home-improvements before you’ve taken notes there.